When I sat down to start this writing process, I thought for sure that I would be breaking down things that looked really good during the first preseason game. I quickly realized it is hard to be emotionally invested in a game that means nothing. What ended up happening is I just wrote down my random thoughts during the game.
If you still have the game on DVR, you can do follow along with the timeline. If you don’t, this may be one of the more random things you have read. Either way, here is the random thoughts of a fan.
1st Quarter
14:17 – Legedu Naanee sighting! Oh wait, that’s Eddie Royal, lame.
12:53 – Tight End is wide open? Seems about right.
12:08 – Tight End wide open, again. I keep getting flashbacks to Tony Gonzalez.
10:07 – Seahawks aren’t blitzing at all. Running base defense only.
9:52 – Damn! Ryan Matthews has ups!
8:32 – Well, you still can’t throw on Sherman.
7:31 – Let’s see what the hype is with Christine Michael. Here we go! Touchback.
7:24 – Jermaine Kearse can catch?
6:06 – Luke Willson can’t make the catch. We should have got Owen Wilson.
5:58 – John Ryan can kick the crap out of the ball.
5:41 – Clipboard Jesus sighting. Pretty sure this game is about to get ugly.
5:06 – Are you serious with that call on Winfield? Wow!
4:17 – Seahawks base defense is stout against the run.
4:11 – Ed “Guns” Hochuli!
2:40 – Last names that could be first names on the back of players make me think the player went XFL style.
1:42 – Wilson running around reminds me of the Tarvaris days, luckily I will get to see that again later.
:17 – Michael run, show Beast Mode has been a theme so far.
:04 – Does Tate ever get tackled by the first guy?
2nd Quarter
15:00 – Offensive starters still playing? Chargers fans getting their money’s worth.
14:53 – Kearse drops a lot of balls, but that was almost a dope catch.
14:53 – Hochuli correcting calls is the smoothest in the league. Maybe, Mike Carey would do it better.
14:41 – John Ryan’s punts would put a hole in the average man’s chest.
14:41 – The 12′s smoking weed in San Diego? What are the odds that dude got kicked out right after that rejoin?
14:09 – Here come the backups.
13:17 – Curt Menefee says, “Allen Bradford has made a lot of plays, tonight.” I swear he just came in two plays ago.
13:08 – How is that a late hit on Malcolm Smith? The ball was on the dude’s hand!
12:58 – Helmet-to-helmet? That call is going to be the devil this year. Referees can’t make that call accurately.
11:45 – How are centers getting so many calls on them? Snap infraction, again.
9:58 – Ahhhh. A blitz! Sack for Smith.
9:49 – No Percy, no special team returns. Not missing him so far.
9:29 – Brady Quinn is in.
8:48 – That passing play looked terrible.
8:29 – That pass was better.
7:32 – I am excited for Stephan Williams.
5:02 – Fozzy is such a tight name. Props to the Whittaker family.
3:10 – I probably need to eat.
2:31 – That was a really nice interception by Byron Maxwell.
2:29 – That’s a catch. Time to move on. Thanks for confirming that Ed.
2:08 – Make that throw Quinn. He is getting cut.
1:55 – Touchdown! Can Kearse really catch now? He needs to keep that ball off the body.
1:50 – How do you overthrow Keenan Allen? Whitehurst is a dumpster fire.
:05 – Interceptions are the best thing in sports! That is emotional hyperbole, but I do love them!
:03 – Please run a fake on this field goal. If they kick it, I bet it comes up 8 yards short.
:00 – Holy crap! Hauschka got some leg strength. His range is 60 yards, 2 feet, 9 inches.
Halftime
That was a pretty uneventful first half. I am hitting Taco Bell.
3rd Quarter
15:00 – Yes! Another kick return opportunity. Oh, he is taking this from deep! Tease. Harvin out factor is still at zero.
14:47 – Let me look at these first half stats. Manti has more imaginary girlfriends than tackles. Bringing that joke back.
12:21 – Kam only smiles during the interview when they mention hitting. He is crazy.
11:36 – Take it easy John Ryan! You are going to kill someone.
11:31 – This announcing crew is really selling me on John Lotulelei. I guess I have to love him.
10:33 – Jesse Williams has the over doing it on the bars face mask. They are bad ass.
10:10 – That’s how Vandal’s football does! Mayowa making teams.
9:39 – Walter Thurmond got tripped up by a punter? Ok, I want Percy back. Good return, though.
9:29 – Nice catch by Helfet. Better throw by Quinn and that is a TD.
8:48 – Derrick Coleman? Seattle is getting all the stars. Come out of NBA retirement, big boy!
7:01 – Russell Wilson interview. Wait for it, wait for it. There it is, “Go Hawks!”
6:00 – Can everyone on our team return punts? Will Blackmon (Not Robert Blackmon) with a nice little return.
4:40 – T-Jack is getting Quinn cut. Stephan Williams is getting every other WR cut.
4:06 – Ware with a TD! When John Schneider retires, Mel Kiper and Todd McShay are going to be out of a job.
4:03 – With the New Jersey Nets way back in the rear view mirror, Derrick Coleman is getting tackles too.
2:34 – I thought that was a fumble. Thanks to Ed Hochuli’s complete explanation, I no longer think it’s a fumble.
1:22 – Al Harris almost killed Dan DePalma! Never mind that is Winston Guy.
1:07 – Perez Ashford going Joe Jarzynka on ‘em. Fair catches aren’t an option.
4th Quarter
15:00 – Whoa, that fart stinks! What did I eat? Oh yeah, Taco Bell.
14:52 – T-Jack to Williams is unstoppable! T-Jack can sling it when is pectoral muscle isn’t torn in half.
14:52 – Nothing to review here, that is a TD. Thanks to this review, I get pitched some VW’s and Jack in the Box.
14:52 – Back from commercial, Ed let’s me know that was, in fact, a touchdown. Duh.
14:52 – K.J. Wright has a nice beard coming in. Grow that out!
14:48 – Do not take kicks out on the Seahawks kickoff team. I swear the Chargers haven’t got passed the 15 yard line.
14:01 – Willie with a catch. Another first name on the back of the jersey. Top 5 things I like about this game.
13:21 – Steve Tasker’s kid with a catch. Referred to as “scrappy”, which is only said about white guys.
12:26 – Touchdown Chargers! That was terrible tackling near the goal line. Comeback?
12:23 – Jeremy Lane with a kick return. I really want Harvin back.
11:39 – Christine Michael looks like Ronnie Brown.
10:42 – Derrick Coleman ditches the headband and puts on the helmet.
9:54 – Michael with a doo doo move. That was nice.
9:08 – I want Derrick Coleman to make this team sooooo bad! Basketball player jokes all season.
6:51 – Another Christine Michael run, another shot of Beast Mode.
6:08 – 6:03 – The beard on Sean McGrath is off the chain! Please, make the team.
4:36 – This is Derrick Coleman’s world and everyone else is just living in it.
4:30 – Doug Baldwin interview. Let’s Menefee know the corners getting challenged, too.
4:17 – Thanks for calming down. Go ahead and take few weeks off and get healthy, Percy. We will be good.
3:30 – Perez! Nice return, young man.
2:15 – Chris Harper has awareness of 91. Stays in to keep running the clock.
1:55 – Spencer Ware has an awareness off 55. Stay in, guy!
1:55 – More Sean McGrath beard!
1:11 – I can just tell that T-Jack takes better knees than Brady Quinn.
:36 – Come on run a fake knee and run this up.
:00 – I didn’t even realize the score was this bad. 23-0!
