Category Archives: NFL

NFL is Seriously the No Fun League

This somehow needs to be mixed into the NFL.

This somehow needs to be mixed into the NFL.

During last nights Monday Night Football game between the Seattle Seahawks and St. Louis Rams, Golden Tate got flagged for taunting on an 80 yard touchdown catch. All he did was wave to Rodney McLeod, Jr. What’s the big deal? I will give you a 5-star guarantee that was down the list of things that were said or done during that were unsportsmanlike. If you think there was nothing said during that game that was worse, you are crazy. Last week, Janoris Jenkins got put on Carolina’s Steve Smith’s shit list (a list no one wants to be on) for talking about his wife. Guess who Tate caught that ball on before waving? That’s right, Jenkins.

All this wave does is create a little more intensity for a divisional rivalry. The flag takes the impact of the wave down a few notches, because it already embarrasses Tate. Wouldn’t Rams fans want to see their squad embarrass Tate instead? I know if that was the other way around, I would want The Legion of Boom to completely shutdown whoever did that the next game. I want a Steve Smith interview every week of the NFL season. Maybe, punching Jenkins in the mouth on the streets is a little far, but we don’t know exactly what he said. We have four days without football during the week and one day of Thursday Night Football (which barely counts). The taunting and trash talking just gives us more to dive into during the week.

Andy Lyons/Getty Images

Andy Lyons/Getty Images

The days of Terrell Owens breaking out a Sharpie, dancing with pom-poms, sleeping on balls or running to the star in the middle of Cowboys stadium are over. Chad “Ochocinco” Johnson proposing to Ben-Gals, putting with the pylon, fake bribing referees, or wearing “Future Hall of Fame” jackets are over. Even simple things like Wes Welker doing snow angels are over.

Fans get up on their high horse and say, “have some class” or “what an idiot.” Let’s face it, we all love watching that. It’s funny. The only reason you wouldn’t like it, is because it happened against your team. Well, the Sharpie incident happened against my Seahawks (that’s right, MY) and I thought it was awesome then and still think it’s awesome to this day. Get over yourselves, it has no effect on the game. It is more entertainment during an already very entertaining sport. I don’t know about you, but I like to get my money’s worth.

I even want to see all this trash talking and showboating taken to another level. A Ric Flair style interview should be required by every team, every week.

Imagine this was going down before every match/game! There are some great trash talkers in the NFL and their mouth running would be put on display. Rivalries would be better. Games would have more meaning, because teams would be out there trying even harder to prove the trash talkers wrong. All teams would be all the more motivated, because they would all have bulletin board material. That’s what we all want, right, more motivated teams? I know the folks in Philly, New York and Pittsburgh want that, right now. The endzone dances would be the equivalent of Stone Cold going to the turnbuckles and drinking beer! The crowd at NFL games would go even more wild during the celebrations.

Even if the NFL doesn’t go as far as WWE or TNA, it still has gone too far in the other direction. The players are killing themselves out there, literally. Let them have some fun.

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Dial It Down

For real

For real

While the 12′s were having a collective freakout about the result of last night’s Seahawks road VICTORY in St. Louis, I decided to do a little digging.  I thought to myself, when was the last time the Hawks beat the crap out of the Rams in St. Louis?  The thing is, I always thought it had been a tough place to play for Seattle.  My short-term (which gets foggier with each Halloween that goes by) was that St. Louis was a place that the Hawks never really have played well.

So after some Bing searches (get those Rewards) – I was astonished.  My short-term memory wasn’t failing me.  The Seahawks as we know them have never dismantled St. Louis at home.  The biggest blowout I could find was a victory in St. Louis in 2011 where Seattle won, 24-7.

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The Mascot Games – NFC East Edition

The trade deadline looms soon in the NFL, and teams will be looking to potentially send off some of the future to take on some of the present.  If there is any division that might be in sell mode, it would be the NFC East. However, let’s preview the player on their team that they can’t trade – and that’s their mascot.

The rules are simple, each NFL team must have their own mascot on the field at all times. One is the minimum, the entire team is the maximum. All animals will be trained/trainable, but the bounds of reality of that animal still applies (I.E, a Bear can’t be trained to be a perfect read option QB, but would be a beast DE or something to that effect). I will preview each division over the next few weeks, then ultimately pick one team that rises to the top.

With that being said, here is how I would configure each NFL team – where I would put their mascot, and if this ultimately hurts or helps the team.

The fourth installment, the NFC East.  The Cowboys, the Giants, the Eagles and the Redskins, now taking the field.

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Fantasy Football – Fantasy Genie Gets His Grades & More Picks

Fantasy Week 2

Last week, I became a fantasy expert. This self-appointed title has inspired me to start granting the Twitter Universe their wishes of fantasy help. Many people throw out a “Who should I start?” question to the corporate fantasy experts and I am there to give them the advice they are seeking, because we all know those corporate dudes don’t have the time to respond. Well, guess what? I do. If you have some questions yourself, you can tweet at me @BenKelleyNFWF with the #FantasyGenie.

Now, with any genie you run the risk of genie granting your wish with a negative consequence. We have all seen Bedazzled (granted Elizabeth Hurley didn’t come out of a lamp, but she still granted wishes). I am more along the lines of Kazaam, coming out of a boombox to save your fantasy week. Don’t get me wrong we can end up down the Aladdin path with a few adventures along the way, but in the end it will be you free from missing the playoffs.

My positive and negative players from Week 1 need to be evaluated. I can’t just talk about the good picks and ignore the misses. Here are the grades:

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Fantasy Football – My Gut Tells Me

Fantasy Week 1.jpg

Recently, I became a fantasy football expert. How, you ask? Quite simply, just self appointed myself an expert. I generally feel this is the route most fantasy experts go to get the title of expert. Now that we have a fantasy expert here at No Fair Weather Fans, everyone should come here to get their fantasy info.

The important thing to remember is that you should always go with your own gut instincts when it comes to picking your starters or sitting your scrubs. We all have those moments when our gut doesn’t know what to do. Don’t you worry, I have plenty of gut. This means I have plenty of gut feelings. If you can’t make a decision on who to start or sit, you can come to my belly for EXPERT advice.

Here are some of my gut feelings for Week 1:


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The Mascot Games – NFC North Edition

Preseason is in full swing, and roster cuts haven’t quite happened yet.  They happen a few times – but let’s preview the player on their team that they can’t cut – and that’s their mascot.

The rules are simple, each NFL team must have their own mascot on the field at all times. One is the minimum, the entire team is the maximum. All animals will be trained/trainable, but the bounds of reality of that animal still applies (I.E, a Bear can’t be trained to be a perfect read option QB, but would be a beast DE or something to that effect). I will preview each division over the next few weeks, then ultimately pick one team that rises to the top.

With that being said, here is how I would configure each NFL team – where I would put their mascot, and if this ultimately hurts or helps the team.

The third installment, the NFC North.  The Bears, the Lions, the Vikings and the Packers, now taking the field.

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One Man’s Thoughts During a Seahawks Preseason Game

Seahawks logo

When I sat down to start this writing process, I thought for sure that I would be breaking down things that looked really good during the first preseason game. I quickly realized it is hard to be emotionally invested in a game that means nothing. What ended up happening is I just wrote down my random thoughts during the game.

If you still have the game on DVR, you can do follow along with the timeline. If you don’t, this may be one of the more random things you have read. Either way, here is the random thoughts of a fan.

1st Quarter

14:17 – Legedu Naanee sighting! Oh wait, that’s Eddie Royal, lame.

12:53 – Tight End is wide open? Seems about right.

12:08 – Tight End wide open, again. I keep getting flashbacks to Tony Gonzalez.

10:07 – Seahawks aren’t blitzing at all. Running base defense only.

9:52 – Damn! Ryan Matthews has ups!

8:32 – Well, you still can’t throw on Sherman.

7:31 – Let’s see what the hype is with Christine Michael. Here we go! Touchback.

7:24 – Jermaine Kearse can catch?

6:06 – Luke Willson can’t make the catch. We should have got Owen Wilson.

5:58 – John Ryan can kick the crap out of the ball.

5:41 – Clipboard Jesus sighting. Pretty sure this game is about to get ugly.

5:06 – Are you serious with that call on Winfield? Wow!

4:17 – Seahawks base defense is stout against the run.

4:11 – Ed “Guns” Hochuli!

2:40 – Last names that could be first names on the back of players make me think the player went XFL style.

1:42 – Wilson running around reminds me of the Tarvaris days, luckily I will get to see that again later.

:17 – Michael run, show Beast Mode has been a theme so far.

:04 – Does Tate ever get tackled by the first guy?

2nd Quarter

15:00 – Offensive starters still playing? Chargers fans getting their money’s worth.

14:53 – Kearse drops a lot of balls, but that was almost a dope catch.

14:53 – Hochuli correcting calls is the smoothest in the league. Maybe, Mike Carey would do it better.

14:41 – John Ryan’s punts would put a hole in the average man’s chest.

14:41 – The 12′s smoking weed in San Diego? What are the odds that dude got kicked out right after that rejoin?

14:09 – Here come the backups.

13:17 – Curt Menefee says, “Allen Bradford has made a lot of plays, tonight.” I swear he just came in two plays ago.

13:08 – How is that a late hit on Malcolm Smith? The ball was on the dude’s hand!

12:58 – Helmet-to-helmet? That call is going to be the devil this year. Referees can’t make that call accurately.

11:45 – How are centers getting so many calls on them? Snap infraction, again.

9:58 – Ahhhh. A blitz! Sack for Smith.

9:49 – No Percy, no special team returns. Not missing him so far.

9:29 – Brady Quinn is in.

8:48 – That passing play looked terrible.

8:29 – That pass was better.

7:32 – I am excited for Stephan Williams.

5:02 – Fozzy is such a tight name. Props to the Whittaker family.

3:10 – I probably need to eat.

2:31 – That was a really nice interception by Byron Maxwell.

2:29 – That’s a catch. Time to move on. Thanks for confirming that Ed.

2:08 – Make that throw Quinn. He is getting cut.

1:55 – Touchdown! Can Kearse really catch now? He needs to keep that ball off the body.

1:50 – How do you overthrow Keenan Allen? Whitehurst is a dumpster fire.

:05 – Interceptions are the best thing in sports! That is emotional hyperbole, but I do love them!

:03 – Please run a fake on this field goal. If they kick it, I bet it comes up 8 yards short.

:00 – Holy crap! Hauschka got some leg strength. His range is 60 yards, 2 feet, 9 inches.


That was a pretty uneventful first half. I am hitting Taco Bell.

3rd Quarter

15:00 – Yes! Another kick return opportunity. Oh, he is taking this from deep! Tease. Harvin out factor is still at zero.

14:47 – Let me look at these first half stats. Manti has more imaginary girlfriends than tackles. Bringing that joke back.

12:21 – Kam only smiles during the interview when they mention hitting. He is crazy.

11:36 – Take it easy John Ryan! You are going to kill someone.

11:31 – This announcing crew is really selling me on John Lotulelei. I guess I have to love him.

10:33 – Jesse Williams has the over doing it on the bars face mask. They are bad ass.

10:10 – That’s how Vandal’s football does! Mayowa making teams.

9:39 – Walter Thurmond got tripped up by a punter? Ok, I want Percy back. Good return, though.

9:29 – Nice catch by Helfet. Better throw by Quinn and that is a TD.

8:48 – Derrick Coleman? Seattle is getting all the stars. Come out of NBA retirement, big boy!

7:01 – Russell Wilson interview. Wait for it, wait for it. There it is, “Go Hawks!”

6:00 – Can everyone on our team return punts? Will Blackmon (Not Robert Blackmon) with a nice little return.

4:40 – T-Jack is getting Quinn cut. Stephan Williams is getting every other WR cut.

4:06 – Ware with a TD! When John Schneider retires, Mel Kiper and Todd McShay are going to be out of a job.

4:03 – With the New Jersey Nets way back in the rear view mirror, Derrick Coleman is getting tackles too.

2:34 – I thought that was a fumble. Thanks to Ed Hochuli’s complete explanation, I no longer think it’s a fumble.

1:22 – Al Harris almost killed Dan DePalma! Never mind that is Winston Guy.

1:07 – Perez Ashford going Joe Jarzynka on ‘em. Fair catches aren’t an option.

4th Quarter

15:00 – Whoa, that fart stinks! What did I eat? Oh yeah, Taco Bell.

14:52 – T-Jack to Williams is unstoppable! T-Jack can sling it when is pectoral muscle isn’t torn in half.

14:52 – Nothing to review here, that is a TD. Thanks to this review, I get pitched some VW’s and Jack in the Box.

14:52 – Back from commercial, Ed let’s me know that was, in fact, a touchdown. Duh.

14:52 – K.J. Wright has a nice beard coming in. Grow that out!

14:48 – Do not take kicks out on the Seahawks kickoff team. I swear the Chargers haven’t got passed the 15 yard line.

14:01 – Willie with a catch. Another first name on the back of the jersey. Top 5 things I like about this game.

13:21 – Steve Tasker’s kid with a catch. Referred to as “scrappy”, which is only said about white guys.

12:26 – Touchdown Chargers! That was terrible tackling near the goal line. Comeback?

12:23 – Jeremy Lane with a kick return. I really want Harvin back.

11:39 – Christine Michael looks like Ronnie Brown.

10:42 – Derrick Coleman ditches the headband and puts on the helmet.

9:54 – Michael with a doo doo move. That was nice.

9:08 – I want Derrick Coleman to make this team sooooo bad! Basketball player jokes all season.

6:51 – Another Christine Michael run, another shot of Beast Mode.

6:08 – 6:03 – The beard on Sean McGrath is off the chain! Please, make the team.

4:36 – This is Derrick Coleman’s world and everyone else is just living in it.

4:30 – Doug Baldwin interview. Let’s Menefee know the corners getting challenged, too.

4:17 – Thanks for calming down. Go ahead and take few weeks off and get healthy, Percy. We will be good.

3:30 – Perez! Nice return, young man.

2:15 – Chris Harper has awareness of 91. Stays in to keep running the clock.

1:55 – Spencer Ware has an awareness off 55. Stay in, guy!

1:55 – More Sean McGrath beard!

1:11 – I can just tell that T-Jack takes better knees than Brady Quinn.

:36 – Come on run a fake knee and run this up.

:00 – I didn’t even realize the score was this bad. 23-0!

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Some Things Are Never Funny, like ALS

“This is inhuman. I can’t believe anyone would stoop so low as far as mocking somebody who is dying,” said one caller on WWL Radio Monday night.

Three radio jocks in Atlanta lost their jobs yesterday for a segment they would take back if they could.

These three shock-jocks decided that a skit, where one impersonated Steve Gleason would be a funny bit.  If you aren’t aware, Steve Gleason has ALS, or Lou Gehrig’s Disease, which as rendered him unable to walk or speak.  He communicates through a computer that he controls with his eyes.

If you haven’t heard the segment, I have a link right here on Huffington Post.  It truly is completely awkward, terrible, and tasteless to listen to, because I think you can hear them wanting to stop the segment while they had the chance.  Alas, they didn’t and it ended up costing them their jobs.

You got your usual Twitter bravado before the station axe came down on them, then the apologies after they got fired.  I am not sure they truly were sorry, just sorry for the fact that the brutal attempt at humor cost them their jobs.

Right.  ”Took a shot”…

..and there’s that.

Having done a few radio segments here locally in the Northwest, I stay pretty conservative on the subjects I cover & talk about.  Very rarely are segments or skits off the cuff – they are well thought out and also given consideration for how it will sound or be on radio.  This particular skit wouldn’t have worked in any medium, but you know for sure they knew what they were doing before they even started the skit.

I am glad the website Tiger Droppings was able to get a hold of this and whip up the appropriate storm in due time.  In this day and age – it doesn’t take much for something to catch social fire.  The station in Atlanta did the right thing in letting these guys go.

For information on how to donate to Team Gleason and fight ALS, click here to learn more.

Go Cougs.

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On Backtracking – Bring on Percy

Harvin Signs

Just a few weeks ago, I wrote a little article here on the blog about taking a pass on Percy Harvin to the Hawks.  I didn’t know what the trade package was going to be, kinda didn’t care – I just wasn’t interested in having him on the team.  I thought there were other places to address on the team first before picking up a wide receiver, and also the corresponding cap hit the Hawks would take by resigning him.

This is my official eating crow post, which I am noticing is becoming a trend.

The facts (and some of my opinions) are what they are, and the more I learn about ol’ John Schneider and Pete Carroll, the more I like them.

  • In my mind, the whole cap thing was a little overblown.  The way this contract is structured & how the Hawks didn’t spend $13.2M last year (which now gets to carry over), I like how the balance sheet looks.
  • Plus, the outlook for the next few years is setting up quite nicely, and guess what – the whole team isn’t going to fall apart AND they can clearly still add players.  Check out this post by Davis Hsu over at Field Gulls.  I am not going to lie, I am not a total cap expert (and by this I mean I am not at all), but this guy is and the next few years look just fine.
  • If the Hawks line up in a 4 receiver set, it’s going to be nasty.  Imagine Rice, Harvin, Tate & Baldwin all on the field at one time.  Pretty much everyone’s nickel DB is going to either get shredded, or it’s a bunch of 1-on-1 coverage all over the field.  I like that with DangerRuss either rolling out or sitting back in the pocket.
  • Did I mention in the above scenario, you could also have Beast just chillin’ in the backfield.  That’s a nice stretched out defense.  Run wild Beast, run wild.
  • The injury issues?  Oh yeah, those are overblown.  It’s been two years since his last migraine and he has been treated for them at the Mayo Clinic.  I should have searched that one out on Bing.
  • The NFC West is making moves.  The Hawks clearly aren’t going to stand pat.  If the Hawks didn’t make this move – the additions in the NFC West like Mr. Boldin & Long would have made this irrational fan a little more nervous about the rest of the division catching up.  Now, I don’t worry about that as much on my irrational fan pillow at night.

In retrospect – I look at my month-ago self and laugh at him.  Welcome to Seattle Percy, this is going to get cray.

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The Mascot Games – NFC South Edition

The season of free agency and combines are upon us. The constant rosterbation has hit a fever pitch with trades, free agents and draft picks. However, since none of this is based in a shred of reality (maybe some educated guesses), I have decided to come up with the 2013 NFL Mascot games.

The rules are simple, each NFL team must have their own mascot on the field at all times. One is the minimum, the entire team is the maximum. All animals will be trained/trainable, but the bounds of reality of that animal still applies (I.E, a Bear can’t be trained to be a perfect read option QB, but would be a beast DE or something to that effect). I will preview each division over the next few weeks, then ultimately pick one team that rises to the top.

With that being said, here is how I would configure each NFL team – where I would put their mascot, and if this ultimately hurts or helps the team.

The second installment, the NFC South.

Atlanta Falcons - Peregrine Falcon  - Position: FS

I have always kinda looked at the falcon as the generic Seahawk.  Now, I know this isn’t true, and there are several species of falcon that are actually way different than an osprey in many ways.   However, I don’t walk around Discovery Park with a really expensive iPhone app and spotters goggles, so to me – these animals are pretty much the same.  However, I did come across this sweet Google image of a Falcon that is white.

But if I were to actually pick a Falcon in an effort to give this team a bump, you got to go Peregrine Falcon.  It is the fastest animal on earth, reaching in upwards of 200MPH in dives to catch it’s prey.  So it only makes sense that the falcon plays defensive back, and honestly – I would treat it like a blitzing safety.  Imagine this guy just circling, then on a key 3rd down, dive bombing the QB at 200MPH?  Team improvement? Slight improvement over Eugene Robinson, who dive bombs hookers.  Or did before anyway.


Carolina Panthers – Panther (the legendary creature) – Position: Defensive Tackle (DT)

This was the animal that I thought for sure would be the most cut and dried, but lead to a rabbit hole of wacky research about Panthers.  See, I didn’t want to go the lazy route and mail in this synopsis:

“The Panther is a mean-ass cat and makes sense on defense.   Put in the pass rush and he will maul quarterbacks.”

Now this is true, and while I am tempted to end my analysis there, I learned too much about mythical Panther to ignore it, and obviously the impact on the football field.

I don’t want to completely paraphrase Wikipedia (for you Ben) – the mythical Panther has endured centuries in many different cultures as a beast that emits a powerful scent after three days of sleeping.  People are enchanted by it and follow the Panther.  In different civilizations, the Panther isn’t always a Panther – sometimes it is a deer, a bull, whatever – but shares this unique quality.  I really suggest reading the Wiki entry, it’s fascinating.

So with that being said, it makes sense that the Panther be at defensive tackle.  However, the Panther won’t have to do much besides emit scent, which will draw in the offense (and probably the defense) into a scrum.  Just make sure one of your defenders has an Avian Flu mask on so they can swoop the ball from the entranced player and take it to the house.  All games the Panthers play may result in a 7-0 score.

Team improvement? High.  Insanely  high.


New Orleans Saints – A Quality Marching Fellow – Position: QB


This was another one that could have gone with picking a literal Saint to be on the team.  However, I find that to be a little boring, plus I don’t think God cares about the outcome of football games, no matter how many post-game interviews would lead you to think otherwise.  So with that line of thought, NoLa should thank me for not putting an apathetic deity on their team.  I want to make them  better!

That’s how I found the Quality Marching Fellow, which is a mash-up of British Stereotype and the graphic design genius of David Rappoccio of

The monocle suggests intelligence, marching suggests that there is a tireless pursuit of perfection yet moving at the same steady pace, and fellows are a good nickname for those that are on their way to “chaps” – which takes some time.  So, we have found a character with the utmost pride in his work, a sterling ethic and intelligence to boot.

Since I couldn’t pick player-coaches, I had to go with the field general position for him on the Saints.  Drew Brees is getting a little older, has plenty of weapons and isn’t that tall.  This guy can come in at 6′ 1″ (I made up that height) and starts working with all those weapons immediately. Plus, he is really smart.  He can distribute the ball.  Now, is he as physically gifted as Brees?  Not sure.

Team Improvement: On the field, slight downgrade – in life, high moral upgrade for the city of New Orleans.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers – A Buccaneer (NOT a Pirate) - Position: WR


As hard as this is to believe  Buccaneers are actually cooler and just as dangerous as pirates.  To go SAT analogy on you, Buccaneers are to mafia bosses as Pirates are to petty street thugs.  Both are dangerous, but one has way more style, is way more lethal and probably took your girl home.

Their name originated from a few words over the years, but I will take the wiki excerpt it originated from the fact that they ate Manatee meat.  Can you believe that?  It’s like these guys ate mermaids and robbed from Spanish conquistadors (who had no problem eradicating entire civilizations) so you know they don’t have remorse for anything or anyone.

These guys were hired guns by mostly the English to take out Spanish shipping merchants, made tons of cash and also had a B.A. reputation.  So where does he fit on the field?

I decided to go with WR here, because jumping from ship to ship, stealing riches and having a gigantic ego just sounded like a wide receiver.  He will always want the ball and will make sure to get it when it is thrown his way.  You need to be that aggressive with Josh Freeman at quarterback – you don’t always quite know where that ball is headed.

Team Improvement? Yes, I mean really – Muscle Hamster needs all the help he can get.

Winner from this division? I think I have to hand it to the Panthers just because of all the intangibles that history brings to the fold.  The Panther can literally take over a game with just it’s scent.  That’s amazing, and the Bucs, the Falcons and Saints couldn’t resist that.  Standings would be Panthers, Bucs, Falcons and then the Saints.

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