The Mascot Games – NFC North Edition

Preseason is in full swing, and roster cuts haven’t quite happened yet.  They happen a few times – but let’s preview the player on their team that they can’t cut – and that’s their mascot.

The rules are simple, each NFL team must have their own mascot on the field at all times. One is the minimum, the entire team is the maximum. All animals will be trained/trainable, but the bounds of reality of that animal still applies (I.E, a Bear can’t be trained to be a perfect read option QB, but would be a beast DE or something to that effect). I will preview each division over the next few weeks, then ultimately pick one team that rises to the top.

With that being said, here is how I would configure each NFL team – where I would put their mascot, and if this ultimately hurts or helps the team.

The third installment, the NFC North.  The Bears, the Lions, the Vikings and the Packers, now taking the field.

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Hey Sacramento Fans, for real….

Chris Hanson with Deal with It Glasses On

In a story that I thought was going to take a turn for the dormant for the next few years, a quick blip hit the radar today as it was discovered through legal disclosure that Chris Hansen had made a contribution to a firm that represented opposition groups in Sacramento, gathering signatures to try to put their arena deal to a vote.

At first, I was a little surprised to hear that he would do that, considering Hansen has pretty much taken the high road (almost to a fault) during the entire ordeal that resulted in the NBA (read, David Stern) not allowing the move to happen in the first place.

Then, predictably, the vitriol from the people in the national media (well, mostly Deadspin) started to roll out.

Being a calm, somewhat rational being that hadn’t heard a peep from Seattle’s savior yet, I waited for his statement.  Lo and behold, he apologized.

Ever done something in the heat of the moment?  Have you ever had multi-million dollar land acquisitions planned for months along with a purchase and sale agreement with a $30 million dollar advance deposit to show your serious all of a sudden be jeopardized by the worst commissioner in professional sports?  While I know this blogs readership is pretty affluent, my guess – probably not.

So yeah, he plunked down some pennies to figure out what opposition was being mounted and the efforts that they were taking to block the arena, considering the fine folks of Sacramento, their mayor and David Stern had just done to him.  It was a small hedge to his giant bet on a system that is irrevocably broken.  He tried.  Deal with it.

Chances are, the effort in Sac to stop this is futile – and even if it did come to ballot, prove you want the team Sac-town.  Vote it in, and you get to watch years of DeMarcus Cousins instead of us.

Lastly, if anyone thinks that this is going to stop the Seattle NBA train from pulling into town and “how bad this makes Hansen look!!!!!!111″ – you are verifiably crazy.  This is a league where money talks, and the guy who somehow scared owners into being unanimous when they didn’t want to, is almost out of office.

I can’t wait for sports next best rivalry in a few years.  Seattle definitely has it out for NorCal.

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#24 No Fair Weather Fans Podcast – Seahawks, Dempsey and Johnny Football

I approve of this podcast.

I approve of this podcast.

You didn’t think we knew our rap music? Well, you would be wrong. A few minutes of Lil’ Flip and his fellow Clover G Records’ artists. You know we always keep it light, but there are a few rants in there. Don’t worry we get back on topic pretty quickly. This podcast can be summed up with the Lil Flip song “The Way We Ball.”

  • Seahawks vs Chargers
  • Clint Dempsey with the Sounders
  • Johnny Manziel and other NCAA investigations

The entire Betty Who – High Society (Soundmen Remix) is at the end of the podcast. The track has been playing all summer for us. You can find them at or follow both of them on Twitter @scottsoundmen and @JamisonSoundMen.

We are bringing the fire, so get your click and get your download on.

Get Your Download On

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One Man’s Thoughts During a Seahawks Preseason Game

Seahawks logo

When I sat down to start this writing process, I thought for sure that I would be breaking down things that looked really good during the first preseason game. I quickly realized it is hard to be emotionally invested in a game that means nothing. What ended up happening is I just wrote down my random thoughts during the game.

If you still have the game on DVR, you can do follow along with the timeline. If you don’t, this may be one of the more random things you have read. Either way, here is the random thoughts of a fan.

1st Quarter

14:17 – Legedu Naanee sighting! Oh wait, that’s Eddie Royal, lame.

12:53 – Tight End is wide open? Seems about right.

12:08 – Tight End wide open, again. I keep getting flashbacks to Tony Gonzalez.

10:07 – Seahawks aren’t blitzing at all. Running base defense only.

9:52 – Damn! Ryan Matthews has ups!

8:32 – Well, you still can’t throw on Sherman.

7:31 – Let’s see what the hype is with Christine Michael. Here we go! Touchback.

7:24 – Jermaine Kearse can catch?

6:06 – Luke Willson can’t make the catch. We should have got Owen Wilson.

5:58 – John Ryan can kick the crap out of the ball.

5:41 – Clipboard Jesus sighting. Pretty sure this game is about to get ugly.

5:06 – Are you serious with that call on Winfield? Wow!

4:17 – Seahawks base defense is stout against the run.

4:11 – Ed “Guns” Hochuli!

2:40 – Last names that could be first names on the back of players make me think the player went XFL style.

1:42 – Wilson running around reminds me of the Tarvaris days, luckily I will get to see that again later.

:17 – Michael run, show Beast Mode has been a theme so far.

:04 – Does Tate ever get tackled by the first guy?

2nd Quarter

15:00 – Offensive starters still playing? Chargers fans getting their money’s worth.

14:53 – Kearse drops a lot of balls, but that was almost a dope catch.

14:53 – Hochuli correcting calls is the smoothest in the league. Maybe, Mike Carey would do it better.

14:41 – John Ryan’s punts would put a hole in the average man’s chest.

14:41 – The 12′s smoking weed in San Diego? What are the odds that dude got kicked out right after that rejoin?

14:09 – Here come the backups.

13:17 – Curt Menefee says, “Allen Bradford has made a lot of plays, tonight.” I swear he just came in two plays ago.

13:08 – How is that a late hit on Malcolm Smith? The ball was on the dude’s hand!

12:58 – Helmet-to-helmet? That call is going to be the devil this year. Referees can’t make that call accurately.

11:45 – How are centers getting so many calls on them? Snap infraction, again.

9:58 – Ahhhh. A blitz! Sack for Smith.

9:49 – No Percy, no special team returns. Not missing him so far.

9:29 – Brady Quinn is in.

8:48 – That passing play looked terrible.

8:29 – That pass was better.

7:32 – I am excited for Stephan Williams.

5:02 – Fozzy is such a tight name. Props to the Whittaker family.

3:10 – I probably need to eat.

2:31 – That was a really nice interception by Byron Maxwell.

2:29 – That’s a catch. Time to move on. Thanks for confirming that Ed.

2:08 – Make that throw Quinn. He is getting cut.

1:55 – Touchdown! Can Kearse really catch now? He needs to keep that ball off the body.

1:50 – How do you overthrow Keenan Allen? Whitehurst is a dumpster fire.

:05 – Interceptions are the best thing in sports! That is emotional hyperbole, but I do love them!

:03 – Please run a fake on this field goal. If they kick it, I bet it comes up 8 yards short.

:00 – Holy crap! Hauschka got some leg strength. His range is 60 yards, 2 feet, 9 inches.


That was a pretty uneventful first half. I am hitting Taco Bell.

3rd Quarter

15:00 – Yes! Another kick return opportunity. Oh, he is taking this from deep! Tease. Harvin out factor is still at zero.

14:47 – Let me look at these first half stats. Manti has more imaginary girlfriends than tackles. Bringing that joke back.

12:21 – Kam only smiles during the interview when they mention hitting. He is crazy.

11:36 – Take it easy John Ryan! You are going to kill someone.

11:31 – This announcing crew is really selling me on John Lotulelei. I guess I have to love him.

10:33 – Jesse Williams has the over doing it on the bars face mask. They are bad ass.

10:10 – That’s how Vandal’s football does! Mayowa making teams.

9:39 – Walter Thurmond got tripped up by a punter? Ok, I want Percy back. Good return, though.

9:29 – Nice catch by Helfet. Better throw by Quinn and that is a TD.

8:48 – Derrick Coleman? Seattle is getting all the stars. Come out of NBA retirement, big boy!

7:01 – Russell Wilson interview. Wait for it, wait for it. There it is, “Go Hawks!”

6:00 – Can everyone on our team return punts? Will Blackmon (Not Robert Blackmon) with a nice little return.

4:40 – T-Jack is getting Quinn cut. Stephan Williams is getting every other WR cut.

4:06 – Ware with a TD! When John Schneider retires, Mel Kiper and Todd McShay are going to be out of a job.

4:03 – With the New Jersey Nets way back in the rear view mirror, Derrick Coleman is getting tackles too.

2:34 – I thought that was a fumble. Thanks to Ed Hochuli’s complete explanation, I no longer think it’s a fumble.

1:22 – Al Harris almost killed Dan DePalma! Never mind that is Winston Guy.

1:07 – Perez Ashford going Joe Jarzynka on ‘em. Fair catches aren’t an option.

4th Quarter

15:00 – Whoa, that fart stinks! What did I eat? Oh yeah, Taco Bell.

14:52 – T-Jack to Williams is unstoppable! T-Jack can sling it when is pectoral muscle isn’t torn in half.

14:52 – Nothing to review here, that is a TD. Thanks to this review, I get pitched some VW’s and Jack in the Box.

14:52 – Back from commercial, Ed let’s me know that was, in fact, a touchdown. Duh.

14:52 – K.J. Wright has a nice beard coming in. Grow that out!

14:48 – Do not take kicks out on the Seahawks kickoff team. I swear the Chargers haven’t got passed the 15 yard line.

14:01 – Willie with a catch. Another first name on the back of the jersey. Top 5 things I like about this game.

13:21 – Steve Tasker’s kid with a catch. Referred to as “scrappy”, which is only said about white guys.

12:26 – Touchdown Chargers! That was terrible tackling near the goal line. Comeback?

12:23 – Jeremy Lane with a kick return. I really want Harvin back.

11:39 – Christine Michael looks like Ronnie Brown.

10:42 – Derrick Coleman ditches the headband and puts on the helmet.

9:54 – Michael with a doo doo move. That was nice.

9:08 – I want Derrick Coleman to make this team sooooo bad! Basketball player jokes all season.

6:51 – Another Christine Michael run, another shot of Beast Mode.

6:08 – 6:03 – The beard on Sean McGrath is off the chain! Please, make the team.

4:36 – This is Derrick Coleman’s world and everyone else is just living in it.

4:30 – Doug Baldwin interview. Let’s Menefee know the corners getting challenged, too.

4:17 – Thanks for calming down. Go ahead and take few weeks off and get healthy, Percy. We will be good.

3:30 – Perez! Nice return, young man.

2:15 – Chris Harper has awareness of 91. Stays in to keep running the clock.

1:55 – Spencer Ware has an awareness off 55. Stay in, guy!

1:55 – More Sean McGrath beard!

1:11 – I can just tell that T-Jack takes better knees than Brady Quinn.

:36 – Come on run a fake knee and run this up.

:00 – I didn’t even realize the score was this bad. 23-0!

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Sounders’ Fans – Be The Right Club, Today

They brought Dempsey here and will bring whoever else they want.

They brought Dempsey here and will bring whoever else they want.

Some people may doubt the fans of a team being able to influence a player’s choice on where they want to play. Well, Sounders fans pulled a little Hal Sutton action. You don’t know what that is? Well, Sutton has a very famous quote from his final hole of the 2000 Players Championship. On Saturday, June 8th, Seattle Sounders fans were the right club. They weren’t the putter that closed out the win, but they were the wedge that was knocked it stiff, 10 feet from the hole.

On that day the Sounders were playing their rival the Vancouver Whitecaps at Century Link Field. A crowd of 53,679 was in the stands that day and even more were in the bars around the stadium. During the game, as many people have heard, Clint Dempsey was walking around near the stadium. He saw the passion and atmosphere that only that only the fans of Seattle can create. Deuce saw something that he couldn’t in any other city in America. The bars were standing room only for a soccer game. A game in a football stadium that was almost filled to the brim, as well. He got to see what it was like from a fans perspective. He got to witness it from a players perspective, three days later, when United States Men’s National Team beat Panama on the same field. The attendance of that game was 40,847, which is seventh all time for a home FIFA World Cup Qualifier.

What player wouldn’t want to play in a stadium with that many fans? The Sounders are number one in MLS attendance with 40,520 per match. The second best team is the Los Angeles Galaxy at 21,764. That is a difference of 18,756, which is greater than 10 of the other 18 teams average attendance per game. You could double 15 of those 18 teams attendance and not reach what Seattle brings every game. Sure, dominating the U.S. in attendance doesn’t seem that hard, because soccer isn’t close to the top sport in this country. Well, Seattle would have ranked seventh and eighth the last two seasons in the English Premier league. More fans go to a Sounders match than go to Yankees games, in fact only three Major League Baseball teams out draw Seattle (Dodgers, Cardinals and Giants). NBA and NHL arenas would burst at the seams trying to hold Sounders’ fans.

On that day when Clint Dempsey was in town, Sounders fans you were the right club. You influenced one of the best soccer players in America to come to your city. Sure, Adrian Hanauer was the putter that dropped the putt to seal the victory, but it was you the fans that made that putt extremely easy. No one should ever doubt the power Seattle fans have with bringing players here.

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Deuce to Seattle – One Man’s Opinion


Deuce Says Peace

Clint Dempsey. Deeeeeuuuuccce. How I heart you so.

How I’ve always loved you so as a player. As a preface to all this, you are the reason I began following the EPL. Sure there’s been McBride and Joe Max Moore before you, and of course our keepers (TIMMAY!!!), but you were the first my-generation field player I could watch regularly play at 7 AM on Saturday mornings as US coverage expanded. You always fascinated me with your perma-scowl yet irrefutable joy when you play. As Bruce Arena so famously said, you “just try sh*t.”

I even am a huge fan of your rap song. Seriously.


You are my ultimate sports man-crush. You should have seen the stupid grin on my face at the World Cup Qualifier here in Seattle when you were introduced and I witnessed you playing live. A very real argument can be made that you are on the same level as Landon Donovan as the best American field player.


And now you’re flying from Heathrow to the West Coast. Rumors are flying about Seattle wanting to bring you here and for the last few hours I’ve been guilty of joining in on soccer’s “silly season,” letting far-flung rumors allow me think, verbatim: No way is this real. Ohmygod this might be real. NO WAY CAN THIS BE HAPPENING. IT MIGHT BE HAPPENING.




Maybe this is the Chicago-sports fan in me that forces a level-head no matter how well things may be going…

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Good Morning Internet! Get ready for the Locker Room LIVE today!

Locker Room Logo

The Locker Room – on Fox Sports 1380

Good morning internet!  When you wake up, do you ever have this urge to get your fill of sports news, video game culture and just some generally good discussion (that ties back to sports and/or video games, and sometimes WWE)?

In that case, tune in to Fox Sports 1380 AM by clicking this link or firing up that AM radio.  Get ready for The Locker Room with Maury, Jordan and Dmitri, and be sure to like them on Facebook.

Today we are renaming Arlington AIR-LINGTON as we are live from the world famous Arlington Fly-In.  We will be kicking off at 11:00a and talking all things sports, video games and probably some airplanes.  If you make the voyage up north, we will be set up by the beer garden.  Live remotes!

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#23 No Fair Weather Fans Podcast – Hockey, Baseball and being back on the Internet

Podcast Granny

This is a lesson folks, a lesson in not taking half of the year off.  We have opinions, and we want to share them.  We figured MP3 or AAC would be the best way to do that, and we have let you down.  Well fear no more, another unprepared podcast done from the hip is here to “entertain” you and learn up some hockey!  Or, at least learn that Brad claims to have a favorite team but knows nothing about them.  Also a good time!

  • Dallas Stars & San Jose Sharks offSeason talk
  • some Mariners
  • some soccer
  • doomsday scenario time!

Join us folks.  Point your podcast fetchers, your URL’s and your ears.  Listen in and enjoy sports talk on a few days delay.  Also, Granny – get a Mac.


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Time to Turn to the M’s and Sounders

To Quote Andrew W.K.,"When we like to party, we party hard!"

To quote Andrew W.K.,”When we like to party, we party hard!”

With two incredibly entertaining finals in the NBA and NHL (both leagues should be in Seattle soon) over and the Seahawks on chill mode before wrecking the NFL, it’s time to turn your attention to the MLB and MLS. Here in Seattle, we have two of the best venues to watch baseball and soccer. Safeco Field  is one of the most fan friendly stadiums in baseball and CenturyLink is by far the loudest and most rowdy venue in the MLS. It’s time to get out there and enjoy the teams and the stadiums you are lucky to have in Seattle. We all know it doesn’t take much to lose a team, so get out there and watch. The weather is getting nice, which means it time to get outside. What better way to do that than supporting the local squads?

Safeco has been called the diamond of baseball diamonds by hundreds of baseball writers. Ok, I made that up, but it is a really nice stadium. You don’t even have to watch every pitch. You can just head over to Club Safeco (aka the center field landing) or Edgar’s and get down on the booze and mingling. Sure, the Mariners aren’t killing it, but they are far from out of it. What better time to show up to games? All the fair weather fans will be out doing something else, which makes every food and beer line short. Want to throw some knuckleballs at the speed pitch? Do it! There is no one in line. It may seem hard to show up for a Mariners’ game, because they have out of touch executives and an owner who has never even been to a game, but let’s face it, you know you always have fun. So, stop worrying about them and start making yourself feel better with family, friends and baseball.

Now, the Sounders bring a lot more noise than the Mariners when it comes to fielding a high quality team. Eddie Johnson and the boys are a playoff team every year. This, of course, just fuels the fiery that fans bring during the match. Even if you don’t sit in The Brougham End, the rest of the crowd goes H.A.M. I feel like if you are just finding this out from me, you either hate soccer or are oblivious to the world. If it’s the first, I recommend going to a match. If you can seriously come out of watching the Sounders and didn’t have fun, you aren’t a fan of sports at all. You can be completely in the dark about the game of soccer and still have a tremendous amount of fun.

I think I am going to take my own advice and head to a couple games over the next week. Count me in for the Cubs coming to town on Friday to face the Mariners and D.C. United taking on the Sounders on Wednesday, July 3rd. I know there will be the first ever fireworks show at Safeco on Friday, might stick around for that. With the Sounders match, its a team they don’t play at home every year. It’s also the day before the 4th of July, so no work the next day. So, come on people get out there to watch and support your teams!

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Heat Fans Got What They Deserved

A picture taken by shows all these fair weather fans leaving.

A picture taken by shows all the Heat fair weather fans leaving.

During the end of last night’s game between the Heat and Spurs, the thing I always wish for when fans leave early from a game happened. As fans poured out of American Airlines arena, the Miami Heat made an epic comeback to force overtime and eventually win the game. All the fans that made it outside the doors were not allowed back into the arena. This makes me want to go shake every single hand of that security team. I would have done anything to be there, just standing on the other side of the glass doors, pointing and laughing. Maybe, even take it a step further by poking them with a stick. I would be like a child in a zoo after hours, antagonizing the animals. I would actually feel bad for the animals in the zoo, but I don’t feel bad for the animals outside the glass of the arena.

I am sure those fans rationalized leaving early by saying they had long drives home and were beating traffic. To that I respond with, what the hell is another five to ten minutes when it is the last game you will see the Heat play for five months? By giving up faith in your team, you missed one of the greatest finishes in NBA Finals history. After you got halfway to your car, you realized what happened and you have the nerve to bang on the glass to get back into the arena. You should have kept walking to the car with your head hanging low and been filled with shame. Instead, you ran back to the arena only to be met with an old school hand to the face.

All the fans that weren’t allowed back in got exactly what the deserved. Even if you stayed to see the Heat lose, you could have applauded them for another great season. Getting to see LeBron James, Dwayne Wade, Chris Bosh and Ray Allen every day is something you should cherish, not walk out on. I hope LeBron leaves at the end of his contract, you don’t deserve him. You are not a true fan! You’re the worst kind of fan, a fair weather fan. You are the reason this site exists. Thanks for the material, losers.

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